The scratch on your belly and a bite on my arm.

6.20.2013

There are posts out there providing ways on “how to keep the relationship stronger”, “how to stay on a relationship” and other “how to’s” on keeping the spark with the one we have chosen to be with. Nevertheless, all those advice seems too easy to follow, yet in reality, it’s really hard to keep up a relationship whether it’s week old one or five and more years.

For someone who’s been single for quite sometimes, I told myself that once I found the one who I want to be my “other half”, I will do my best to keep what we have last almost forever. Every relationship have its boo-boos and unfortunate turn of unexpected events. No matter what Dalai Lama or a shrink says, there are things that only a couple can work with and fix.

For one, we have our differences. No matter how much we love watching the same television show, eating the same food or exploring different places, I still find differences that might make or break our relationship. There will be small or petty arguments that can bore us out and tell each other “we keep on having the same kind of shizzle every single time!” Surprisingly, these kind of things can really make a couple cut the strings. From what I believe in, these differences can only be fixed by what I call “acceptance”. There will be no medical definition for that or anything deep scientific meaning attached to that word, because I have learned that I need to accept the fact, that there are little things that might break us, and that there are some things we cannot agreed upon. Acceptance is ALWAYS the key.

Then after acceptance, I learned that I should not try to fix our differences! Seriously, I cannot ALWAYS tell my partner to do this or not to do that. Say it once, then he should understand and accept wholeheartedly what are the things that pisses me off, and that goes the same towards me. We change on their own pace and capabilities. This don’t happen overnight, but I trust my partner enough that he will change and it manifests in some matters, like by simply helping me washing the dishes without telling him to do it. I learned that I should never get tired of telling them what hurts me because at times, they might become forgetful and needs to be reminded of. Our differences at times keeps us together because it gives us each other a different perspective on each other’s beliefs and idea. However for some relationship, this could be really tricky. Emotional and physical abuse is a different story. One who is used in hurting someone can make it a habit and this is a habit that is hard to get rid off. Remember: Bruise rhymes with Abuse.

Respect is the result of acceptance and not trying to fix it asap. Respect the fact that people will not always lead my way, so does my guy. There are wonders in what respect can do in a relationship. Respect that to the point that I know I should never hit his ego in public. Respect that I know his weakness and help him through it, and respect that he knows how show patience during my red days. With respect, we learned how to say “sorry”. Since we respect each other, we can say in each other’s face “it’s my fault” and give each other time to breathe to forgive. Respect is my teacher in saying what I want to say, how I say it and when I should say it.

Lastly, trust. If you respect your master, you’ll trust them. If you respect your friend, you trust them. I think that goes the same in our relationship. We have enough trust with each other that we even know how to give space and not invade their “private” life. I may “own” him, but I trust him enough to have him keep his own email and other social media accounts passwords and not ask for it. He trusts me enough that even if I work with guys at the office, at the end of the day, I am still eager to be at his arms. There will always be girls prettier than me and guys more hunk than him, but we always go back to the reason why we chose to be with each other the first time we met.

We’ve only been together for 2 years and there are bumps and tears along the way. There are more of it to expect but still hoping for the best. There are no special recipe for successful relationships. Yet the simple things we have makes us value each other every single day, even if we fight like cats and dogs. I know love will always spark if we never get tired of trusting, respecting and accepting each other as who we are.

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Pages to fill this 2013

For whatever reason, nowadays, people are eager to have a planner and are excited to fill the pages with “must do”, “must see”, “must haves”, “must taste” and other “must” anyone can think of. Though I’ll say, for someone who needs a planner and started when I had my first job, it is a commitment and a practice to stick to what you really planned for. I am pretty bad with “sticking with my plans”. I am an avid fan of unplanned events and other unexpected twists in life, while keeping my time in place. Then the evolution of my planner to a journal con diary happened.

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Influence @ Influenster

I was going through my daily task…updating my Instagram account, when something caught my attention: a friend’s picture with a box of seemingly ordinary stash of goodies in a box. I am used in seeing pictures like that in Instgram; people will post whatever new stuff they have, what they had for dinner, lunch or breakfast, or other things expensive or not. What tickled my fancy was the tag #Influenster. I was like… “what the fish is this?? another social media site??” So at times like that, I did nothing but click the hash-tag, browse through their Instagram account, and there, I got my first introduction on what’s the new trend that has 5000 plus followers on it.

InfluensterSite

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A new year’s pseudo resolutions list

I am never a fan of coming up with a new year’s resolutions list, after getting disappointed in the past few years since a handful of my list are merely accomplished. For example, I will come up with 10 list of “must do” for a certain year, and let’s say 3 and a half of those are being done. Only 3 and the other half was something I “incidentally” done, which made it to the “It’s fine” list, instead of in the “Good Job” bracket.

However, 2012 gave me something to look forward to this year…a pseudo new year’s resolutions list. I treat it as tricking myself to accomplish things one at a time, for me to reach my main goal. Often times, I write something like “I want to pay my debt” or “I want to travel”, yet only one is being done because I realized, I am the kind of person who needs to break things down to get the business done. So instead of writing everything down on a piece of paper, I utilize my planner well by coming up with daily tasks that will eventually lead me to reaching what I really want to do.

For example, if I say “I want to learn how to cook”, on the first day of the year I have the task to buy a cooking book and read through it…and IT’S A MUST. Then day after that, if I realized that I really want to accomplish learning how to cook, then it’s also going to be my priority to go to the market and buy ingredients to cook. The key thing about my technique is, everything is written down on a paper that will serve as a self agreement that I need to act up on. At the same time, I don’t want to make myself feel pressured about going through the process of checking my resolutions’ list. I treat it as an ice breaker from something I usually do like office stuff, and what more important is, I’ll know for myself if what I am doing is something that I really want to commit in accomplishing and if it makes me really happy.

It’s my yearly goal to finish the list of books I would like to read before I die. So instead of buying every book in my list and ended up reading everything in my death bed, I started buying a book one at a time. Once I finished one book, I treat it as another adventure to hunt down the next author in my list. This will make me get my brown ass up, and search for the book I am craving for, than just picking it up on my shelf. I started that way, and I must say, I’m down with one book for this year…and it’s only the first Friday of 2013. I just need to stick with the process, till I make it a habit. So instead of coming up a list on what I want to accomplish this year, I am more eager to write down things I will be able to, I am about to and was able to accomplished this year. This will be my way to make sure I have reached something, without disappointing myself. Good luck to me..hehehe

OplanSulat

Learning the act of forgiveness

The past weeks, life has been tough on me.

I missed some events, lost a job, hated my “boss” that I think will last for the rest of my life, almost run out of cash, lost confidence to myself, cried and almost gave up. I know a part of everything that happened to me was my fault. I was so at ease that I thought I can handle everything. Then I lost control. I just can’t bear the fact that I have to cheat and do not put quality on what I was doing in my work then, when it’s something needed in my task. I started writing then, because it’s the only thing I know that’s right thing I can do after working in the office. I stopped writing because I can’t bear the fact that I was despised for not kissing some ass. I knew I have to fight for something, but I was just kicked in the butt after being vocal, for not accepting their ways of managing people and telling them that what they were doing was wrong. That crushed my pride. No one has done that to me…and that made me really frustrated.

On the time of my despair, I cried to my friends…I cried to the guy who always listen to me as I rant every day, telling him that I don’t like to compromise what I should be doing just to please people who barely understand the meaning of the words quality, integrity and work ethics. Every single day of my life then was hell…work was hell for me. When the time where they decided to be out of their lives, I know I should be happy, but what they have done was still unacceptable. No due process happened, just like that…I was stepping out of the office just like that. Then I told myself, I’ll get back on them. I will give justice on what they have done on me. I will make them pay for what they have done to me.

Several weeks after, I got some time to think of everything, what my then boss has done to me, and if I really want to put justice on what they did. I know I will be a coward for backing up and not telling our government of their unjust way of managing their people. Yet, on the other hand, I realized, what I really want was revenge. After some time of talking with some lawyers, friends and other office mates who had full support on me, I know for myself that revenge was something I don’t want to do. 

After learning that there were several of my office mates did already file a case against “her”, I was like “If I do the same thing, what’s in it for me?”. I know for myself the answer: MONEY! However, there’s more than money that I want to get from it, probably get my pride back? Seriously, I don’t know. All I knew that time was I was hurt, my pride was badly hurt and that I want to take revenge on them. But, do I really want them to lose their job and have the chance of not getting employed again? The same thing they have done on me? If I do that, will it make me better than them? or will I be just like them? Then, my nights are restless. So, I prayed.

I know, more than my wallet, my pride and ego was hurt. Right in the middle. Then, I realized, maybe it’s just a way of God teaching me how to be grounded…again. I sure do not want to be like them, so putting everything in court will not make any difference. It will be  just a cycle of pain and revenge between me and the people involved. I told myself, people may call you a coward for not filing the case, but I know I’ve been brave enough for telling in my “boss” face that what they were doing was wrong. I thought about it for a while, and I made a decision, I will leave everything to HIM. That was the thing I didn’t do for quite some time, trust HIM. Now, I just smile and said, “She’s all yours”

Almost two months had past, and I’ve been pretty particular with the company to work for. Money does matter, but integrity, team work, respect and values are priceless. I now have a new job as an IT Analyst. Pretty new and challenging for me. I must admit that I’ve been busy with venturing to another place to find my niche, so I forgot how was it to be angry at my “ex-boss”. I started putting some more activities in my calendar, like having a photo walk with my guy, meeting people I haven’t seen for a while and watching movies or TV series with my friends in my humble place. I let HIM take care of my anger and pain, as I move on with my life. That’s how I learned what forgiveness really is.

Sometimes, It’s never enough to say “I forgive you”, I learned that I really have to do something about it. There are more important things than pampering the pain in the heart. There are people in my life who keeps on showing me how valuable I am, no matter how f*cked up my life is. There are wonderful sights to see, and places to be. So why stay mad at them? Probably, my subconscious had forgiven the person who made me cry. Maybe, other than carrying burden in my heart, I know that the best revenge is be happy and show those people, that no matter how much pain they put on me, my heart is light enough to show genuine smile to every one, and embrace every sunshine in the morning. After weeks of anguish, I must say, I am better now.

 

 

 

 

A girl named “Hey”

“Hey!”
That night when I heard you, I ran towards your direction, with the sweetest smile on my face. I miss this; I miss us.
You said, now you have no one. Your wife left you and that your only son despises you for being a father who he never thought you’ll be. I saw despair in your face and tears lurking in your eyes.  I heard pain thumping from your chest and badly want to curse HIM for taking everything away from you. I saw scars that are badly bleeding again; you’re hurt on the same spot.
I did my very best to comfort you, for you to realize you’re not alone and that no matter how ugly those pain may cause you, I’m here to heal them and treat you well. I was this close on holding you in my arms, but I decided not to move a finger and just relieved your pain with the most beautiful words I can think of. It helped…because I saw that smile in your eyes again. Then you said you’re happy I’m beside you because I’m the only person who understands your agony, the only one whom you can share your pain with. You said I’m different from the other friends you have.  We reminisced the best and worst four years of our lives together. It was indeed one of the best times we had.
We called it a night with a smile in our face and a beam in my heart.
“Hey!”
You called me the night few days after we had a talked, sharing me your gloomy tale. This time it’s different.  You had a smile in your face. I never saw your genuine smile for a long time. It scared me. I run towards your direction with a sweet smile on my face, though at the back of my mind i was like “what if they are together again?”, “what if he said he and his family have to leave somewhere far and I’ll never get to see him?”, “what if???…”.
You looked straight into my eyes and whispered something to me. My world stopped when you said…”I no longer love her…because I’m liking someone, though I’m not brave enough to tell it…”. My heart started to beat really fast and it feels like I’m running out of air that it’s so difficult to breathe. “Could this be it? Did HE finally listened and answered my prayers? Could he really be…Could it really be….Is it for real?”.
It was the longest night of my life with you. I never thought it will end that way. Then again, I just
accepted it…
I had tears in my eyes for few nights after we talked. But you’re insensitive enough of my pain. I said to myself over and over…”why not me?? Why can’t I be the biggest mistake of your life??”. It was the most dreaded part of my life and you’re not there to comfort me, simply because you never see me desperately weep and I didn’t allow you to see me that way, thinking you will feel my pain like I feel yours. I loved you but you never see that. Just so you know, you’re selfish as I am. You also took me for granted the way your wife treated you, because I also learned that you really never treat me as a real friend, not even as a confidante…I’m just someone you want to talk to simply because you know I will not criticize you the way other people will; I only realized that when you started calling someone “best” then later on called her “bebs”, and confessed to me that she’s the only one you have and trusted all these time. You made me feel like a doormat; the worst feeling someone will get from the person they value as much as their life.
“Hey!”
“Heey!”
I heard it again after few weeks. I looked at your direction and saw you heading my way. You smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked deep into your eyes, and simply said “Sorry…my name is not Hey”, then walked away with the sweetest smile on my face.
That’s one good thing I’ve done for myself and it may hurt that much to moving on without you in my life, but I know I deserve better than be called “Hey”.
***
Reposting from my personal blog; Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Posted by *talaat 5:34am

Not your ordinary cup of tea…

“NOT YOUR ORDINARY CUP OF TEA”

If you’re a fan of this famous tea store in the metro, you definitely know what I’m talking about! For those who heard it for the first time, this is where people enjoy their Hokkaido Milk Tea, Minty Choco Milk Tea, Frost series tea and 10 sinkers mixed in their drink…well, let me introduce or reintroduce to you Serenitea.

They’ve started December of 2008, and now they have opened their 18th branch at Space 7&8 G/F Bonifacio One Technology Tower, 3030 Rizal Drive West Corner 31st St. Bonifacio Global City, Taguig. Well, from St. Lukes Hospital Taguig, you just have to walk or drive to the 31st St., and thier store is just beside BPI bank, across the Pancake House and First Bus stop from Kalayaan. They’ve started thier soft opening on July 15 of this year, and hell, my officemates who really introduced Serenitea in our workplace are really excited that we have to check the store for a week to see if it has opened. Now, it’s open to the public so tea lovers and those who pretends that they love tea because it’s the latest fad, well, here’s a new place where you get to enjoy what you love the most – customizing your tea, making it not an average blant one.

Checking out the place, it’s as comely as their other store…well aside from the one in Eastwood (hehehe). It’s green and cream colored store is really inviting, because the interior of the place itself is really cozy. Just like any other Serenitea store, they have limited seats and few tables, where one can spend or kill time at.

One thing I like this latest fad is aside from they make and serve high quality of freshly brewed tea, it’s really a healthy alternative for sodas, coffee and calorie-packed smoothies. Teas has proven it’s self to be one of the healthiest drink, and Serenitea is serving it in a fun and refreshing way. At Serenity BGC, they haven’t said when will be the grand opening, but one of thing that every fan should look forward to is on their grand day, they will upgrade your large drink to jumbo for free!

Check out their website at www.iloveserenitea.com and like thier facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/iloveserenitea. So all you guys who work within St.Lukes Taguig or 31st St., or just anybody who happened to drop by the area, give yourself a break from your ordinary drink and treat yourself for a cup of Serenitea. For first timers, there’s nothing to fear because you can ask for their best seller from the store manager 😉

Listen, think and speak…

“Those who know don’t speak, and those who speak don’t know” – Lao Tzu

In this generation in where people’s opinion matters, most of us are abusive of the freedom that we have. We comment on what we see, smell, hear, taste or feel even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense at all, or worst we hardly act on the things that we should be doing. We tend to be irrational and irresponsible at times, and for some, they say their opinion just to make someone feel bad or simply to have fun of someone. With this, our out-spoken opinion could lead to most of the time bad, than good judgment.

The phrase “I am entitled to my opinion” is overrated! Most of us talk before we think. A word said can be fatal than a sword – so it wouldn’t be bad if we be rational first before we drop a word. When we’re emotional, we lose the most common of all senses and neglect the fact that people around us have feelings too, so firing negative words for whatever reason, only leads to a cycle of pain.

I’m not saying we should suppress our thoughts or feelings; it’s a matter of being responsible on the privilege that we have. It’s more of being mindful on every word that we say. Tone and timing is the key. We are responsible on everything we say, and if we become responsible on what we say, we become good listeners, thus can lead to proper communication. Words that come from someone’s tongue, which are not filtered in one’s mind, makes them really dumb.

One thing I’ve learned is, before you say something about what the person wears, looks, smell and skin tone…think first. True enough: “If you have nothing good to say, better keep your mouth shut!”. Empty words only come from an empty mind.

***an original post from my personal blog at blogspot. Reposting and revised after 10 months.