Yes..I am ALIVE!

It’s been a while since I get to write again…months had passed that I even forgot my password to log in!

Glad I was able to remember everything (thanks to the forgot password link too!) and share what has happened the past few months. I know few might care, and so do I! (bitch mode over here…excuuuse me! lolx). So what has gotten into me? I made a quick run through the stuff that made me busy and here’s my list to share what I have on my own online journal:

1. MY QUEST TO EARN MORE MOOLAH!

I am employed, thank God for that, but it didn’t really stopped me from getting more than what I earn. I started reading more articles about how to save up to start a small business and was able to start it. It was rough, and until now, I’m struggling to get my “mini business” out in the market. Do I want to make it big? Of course I would. Though I need to prep up for more disappointments and learn from several mistakes I have done and still doing. Am I getting good in the business industry? I hope so. Few more months to check though.

2. MY JOB IS EATING UP MY TIME

Half true, and half not. I would like to think that my job is the culprit why I cannot write that often in my blog. And yes, it’s the best excuse I can think of right now. I have some numbers to keep up and it’s part of my daily task to tame people down when they are getting blue screen of death on their machines. It’s tiring, and after work, all I want to do is wind up and probably watch some baloney video at YouTube…just to unload some stress in my body. It’s a daily routine and it’s starting to kill me…hence, this article is being done.

3. I AM WRITING FOR ANOTHER BLOG

That’s right! I am a contributor to another local travel blog, that makes me share my experiences with new places, diners and other things travellers or tourist would like to know about my country. It’s a fun thing to do. So if someone here reading my update is interested what that is, check out Pinoy Travel Blog.

I miss this. I miss putting all might thoughts together and read through it sometimes. I wish I could write more often. No excuses and just getting down to the real thing.

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The scratch on your belly and a bite on my arm.

6.20.2013

There are posts out there providing ways on “how to keep the relationship stronger”, “how to stay on a relationship” and other “how to’s” on keeping the spark with the one we have chosen to be with. Nevertheless, all those advice seems too easy to follow, yet in reality, it’s really hard to keep up a relationship whether it’s week old one or five and more years.

For someone who’s been single for quite sometimes, I told myself that once I found the one who I want to be my “other half”, I will do my best to keep what we have last almost forever. Every relationship have its boo-boos and unfortunate turn of unexpected events. No matter what Dalai Lama or a shrink says, there are things that only a couple can work with and fix.

For one, we have our differences. No matter how much we love watching the same television show, eating the same food or exploring different places, I still find differences that might make or break our relationship. There will be small or petty arguments that can bore us out and tell each other “we keep on having the same kind of shizzle every single time!” Surprisingly, these kind of things can really make a couple cut the strings. From what I believe in, these differences can only be fixed by what I call “acceptance”. There will be no medical definition for that or anything deep scientific meaning attached to that word, because I have learned that I need to accept the fact, that there are little things that might break us, and that there are some things we cannot agreed upon. Acceptance is ALWAYS the key.

Then after acceptance, I learned that I should not try to fix our differences! Seriously, I cannot ALWAYS tell my partner to do this or not to do that. Say it once, then he should understand and accept wholeheartedly what are the things that pisses me off, and that goes the same towards me. We change on their own pace and capabilities. This don’t happen overnight, but I trust my partner enough that he will change and it manifests in some matters, like by simply helping me washing the dishes without telling him to do it. I learned that I should never get tired of telling them what hurts me because at times, they might become forgetful and needs to be reminded of. Our differences at times keeps us together because it gives us each other a different perspective on each other’s beliefs and idea. However for some relationship, this could be really tricky. Emotional and physical abuse is a different story. One who is used in hurting someone can make it a habit and this is a habit that is hard to get rid off. Remember: Bruise rhymes with Abuse.

Respect is the result of acceptance and not trying to fix it asap. Respect the fact that people will not always lead my way, so does my guy. There are wonders in what respect can do in a relationship. Respect that to the point that I know I should never hit his ego in public. Respect that I know his weakness and help him through it, and respect that he knows how show patience during my red days. With respect, we learned how to say “sorry”. Since we respect each other, we can say in each other’s face “it’s my fault” and give each other time to breathe to forgive. Respect is my teacher in saying what I want to say, how I say it and when I should say it.

Lastly, trust. If you respect your master, you’ll trust them. If you respect your friend, you trust them. I think that goes the same in our relationship. We have enough trust with each other that we even know how to give space and not invade their “private” life. I may “own” him, but I trust him enough to have him keep his own email and other social media accounts passwords and not ask for it. He trusts me enough that even if I work with guys at the office, at the end of the day, I am still eager to be at his arms. There will always be girls prettier than me and guys more hunk than him, but we always go back to the reason why we chose to be with each other the first time we met.

We’ve only been together for 2 years and there are bumps and tears along the way. There are more of it to expect but still hoping for the best. There are no special recipe for successful relationships. Yet the simple things we have makes us value each other every single day, even if we fight like cats and dogs. I know love will always spark if we never get tired of trusting, respecting and accepting each other as who we are.

On Common Manners

If I’m going to start a business and sell “Common Manners” in the market, I’ll either be in the brink of “debt of death” or, I could be a millionaire and beat Lucio Tan in the bun!

For what ever reason, in this generation where advance technology is the steering wheel of every nation to progress, fashion is reachable to people, information is easily attained and talk is cheap, a lot of people are missing out one thing – to have common manners. Continue reading

Feast of the Black Nazarene…and real hope and miracle.

I always admire how my fellow Filipinos show their strong belief in Jesus Christ, and the people’s choice in following the church has been written on history…and still making a mark. Not that I don’t believe in Jesus, I guess religion is just so vast for me and I am always curious on how far other people’s beliefs on Higher Beings will get them.

Continue reading

A new year’s pseudo resolutions list

I am never a fan of coming up with a new year’s resolutions list, after getting disappointed in the past few years since a handful of my list are merely accomplished. For example, I will come up with 10 list of “must do” for a certain year, and let’s say 3 and a half of those are being done. Only 3 and the other half was something I “incidentally” done, which made it to the “It’s fine” list, instead of in the “Good Job” bracket.

However, 2012 gave me something to look forward to this year…a pseudo new year’s resolutions list. I treat it as tricking myself to accomplish things one at a time, for me to reach my main goal. Often times, I write something like “I want to pay my debt” or “I want to travel”, yet only one is being done because I realized, I am the kind of person who needs to break things down to get the business done. So instead of writing everything down on a piece of paper, I utilize my planner well by coming up with daily tasks that will eventually lead me to reaching what I really want to do.

For example, if I say “I want to learn how to cook”, on the first day of the year I have the task to buy a cooking book and read through it…and IT’S A MUST. Then day after that, if I realized that I really want to accomplish learning how to cook, then it’s also going to be my priority to go to the market and buy ingredients to cook. The key thing about my technique is, everything is written down on a paper that will serve as a self agreement that I need to act up on. At the same time, I don’t want to make myself feel pressured about going through the process of checking my resolutions’ list. I treat it as an ice breaker from something I usually do like office stuff, and what more important is, I’ll know for myself if what I am doing is something that I really want to commit in accomplishing and if it makes me really happy.

It’s my yearly goal to finish the list of books I would like to read before I die. So instead of buying every book in my list and ended up reading everything in my death bed, I started buying a book one at a time. Once I finished one book, I treat it as another adventure to hunt down the next author in my list. This will make me get my brown ass up, and search for the book I am craving for, than just picking it up on my shelf. I started that way, and I must say, I’m down with one book for this year…and it’s only the first Friday of 2013. I just need to stick with the process, till I make it a habit. So instead of coming up a list on what I want to accomplish this year, I am more eager to write down things I will be able to, I am about to and was able to accomplished this year. This will be my way to make sure I have reached something, without disappointing myself. Good luck to me..hehehe

OplanSulat

An Encounter with “Authority”

It was another day when I have to rush to the office; my patience was stretched to the limit even before I get to work for several reasons: my food was served late, got stuck on a traffic and I’m late for work. I knew for myself that I just need to shrug things off and start new again with all my best, because my work requires tons of patience for me to get by the day.

The moment I reached the office, the guard in the building lobby told me to stop and wear my shoes…yes! How can I forget that I was still wearing my flip flops on?! I was rushing that much that I tried to ask the guard to just let me pass by this time, so I can wear my formal shoes on when I reached my office space. He said no. I insisted. He yelled at me. I gave in and wore my shoes as what he wanted me to do…then he started scolding at me. That’s it! This means war!

I know it’s bad, but I answered back with the same tone of voice as he was given me. I admit that I yelled at him, just because I don’t know why he have to be rude, even if I’m already doing what he told me to do. I don’t understand why, even if I said “sorry po” with a smile, he still yelled at me. I know my fault, I did what he said, so why he still need to do that? I tried thinking and putting justice on what was done on me.

So I thought:

1. Maybe he also have a bad day, worst than what I have, that’s why he has done that…but is it reasonable?

2. Perhaps it’s his way to show authority, because as a building guard, he needs to make sure that all people going inside the premises is following rules to keep the place secure.

3. Or, it could be that I was not the first person he repremanded for wearing slippers when getting in the building…

Whatever the reason was, I still think that he could have just reported me to the security group where I work at and have my boss talk to me. I like things being done with process.

I then thought of what happened to the “Am a layer” girl, where a viral video shows a female student yelling at security (lady) guard. I didn’t get that far. No video was taken. Whew!

I realized, maybe she was also put on the spot and lost control, which made her say and act like a crazy lass in a public place. There will be instances where we lose control, say bad things to someone, hurt a stranger’s emotion and humiliate ourselves in public. Too bad for her, her side of the story was not revealed.

Educated or not, after what happened today, I completely understand that no matter how hard we try to control ourselves, we still need to be rational and just follow the ethics our company is expecting from us. For people in authority and those who serve the public, ideally those who supposed to keep us safe, should know that being bossy will not earn you respect and fear. I know they have to act tough, but they should understand enough on how treat thier “customers” with manners. A badge and a gun on hand is not enough to gain authority; the world doesn’t just work that way. As for the guard who shouted at me, I got my complaints done…I will let his supervisor do something to him.

Amalyer

Learning the act of forgiveness

The past weeks, life has been tough on me.

I missed some events, lost a job, hated my “boss” that I think will last for the rest of my life, almost run out of cash, lost confidence to myself, cried and almost gave up. I know a part of everything that happened to me was my fault. I was so at ease that I thought I can handle everything. Then I lost control. I just can’t bear the fact that I have to cheat and do not put quality on what I was doing in my work then, when it’s something needed in my task. I started writing then, because it’s the only thing I know that’s right thing I can do after working in the office. I stopped writing because I can’t bear the fact that I was despised for not kissing some ass. I knew I have to fight for something, but I was just kicked in the butt after being vocal, for not accepting their ways of managing people and telling them that what they were doing was wrong. That crushed my pride. No one has done that to me…and that made me really frustrated.

On the time of my despair, I cried to my friends…I cried to the guy who always listen to me as I rant every day, telling him that I don’t like to compromise what I should be doing just to please people who barely understand the meaning of the words quality, integrity and work ethics. Every single day of my life then was hell…work was hell for me. When the time where they decided to be out of their lives, I know I should be happy, but what they have done was still unacceptable. No due process happened, just like that…I was stepping out of the office just like that. Then I told myself, I’ll get back on them. I will give justice on what they have done on me. I will make them pay for what they have done to me.

Several weeks after, I got some time to think of everything, what my then boss has done to me, and if I really want to put justice on what they did. I know I will be a coward for backing up and not telling our government of their unjust way of managing their people. Yet, on the other hand, I realized, what I really want was revenge. After some time of talking with some lawyers, friends and other office mates who had full support on me, I know for myself that revenge was something I don’t want to do. 

After learning that there were several of my office mates did already file a case against “her”, I was like “If I do the same thing, what’s in it for me?”. I know for myself the answer: MONEY! However, there’s more than money that I want to get from it, probably get my pride back? Seriously, I don’t know. All I knew that time was I was hurt, my pride was badly hurt and that I want to take revenge on them. But, do I really want them to lose their job and have the chance of not getting employed again? The same thing they have done on me? If I do that, will it make me better than them? or will I be just like them? Then, my nights are restless. So, I prayed.

I know, more than my wallet, my pride and ego was hurt. Right in the middle. Then, I realized, maybe it’s just a way of God teaching me how to be grounded…again. I sure do not want to be like them, so putting everything in court will not make any difference. It will be  just a cycle of pain and revenge between me and the people involved. I told myself, people may call you a coward for not filing the case, but I know I’ve been brave enough for telling in my “boss” face that what they were doing was wrong. I thought about it for a while, and I made a decision, I will leave everything to HIM. That was the thing I didn’t do for quite some time, trust HIM. Now, I just smile and said, “She’s all yours”

Almost two months had past, and I’ve been pretty particular with the company to work for. Money does matter, but integrity, team work, respect and values are priceless. I now have a new job as an IT Analyst. Pretty new and challenging for me. I must admit that I’ve been busy with venturing to another place to find my niche, so I forgot how was it to be angry at my “ex-boss”. I started putting some more activities in my calendar, like having a photo walk with my guy, meeting people I haven’t seen for a while and watching movies or TV series with my friends in my humble place. I let HIM take care of my anger and pain, as I move on with my life. That’s how I learned what forgiveness really is.

Sometimes, It’s never enough to say “I forgive you”, I learned that I really have to do something about it. There are more important things than pampering the pain in the heart. There are people in my life who keeps on showing me how valuable I am, no matter how f*cked up my life is. There are wonderful sights to see, and places to be. So why stay mad at them? Probably, my subconscious had forgiven the person who made me cry. Maybe, other than carrying burden in my heart, I know that the best revenge is be happy and show those people, that no matter how much pain they put on me, my heart is light enough to show genuine smile to every one, and embrace every sunshine in the morning. After weeks of anguish, I must say, I am better now.

 

 

 

 

A girl named “Hey”

“Hey!”
That night when I heard you, I ran towards your direction, with the sweetest smile on my face. I miss this; I miss us.
You said, now you have no one. Your wife left you and that your only son despises you for being a father who he never thought you’ll be. I saw despair in your face and tears lurking in your eyes.  I heard pain thumping from your chest and badly want to curse HIM for taking everything away from you. I saw scars that are badly bleeding again; you’re hurt on the same spot.
I did my very best to comfort you, for you to realize you’re not alone and that no matter how ugly those pain may cause you, I’m here to heal them and treat you well. I was this close on holding you in my arms, but I decided not to move a finger and just relieved your pain with the most beautiful words I can think of. It helped…because I saw that smile in your eyes again. Then you said you’re happy I’m beside you because I’m the only person who understands your agony, the only one whom you can share your pain with. You said I’m different from the other friends you have.  We reminisced the best and worst four years of our lives together. It was indeed one of the best times we had.
We called it a night with a smile in our face and a beam in my heart.
“Hey!”
You called me the night few days after we had a talked, sharing me your gloomy tale. This time it’s different.  You had a smile in your face. I never saw your genuine smile for a long time. It scared me. I run towards your direction with a sweet smile on my face, though at the back of my mind i was like “what if they are together again?”, “what if he said he and his family have to leave somewhere far and I’ll never get to see him?”, “what if???…”.
You looked straight into my eyes and whispered something to me. My world stopped when you said…”I no longer love her…because I’m liking someone, though I’m not brave enough to tell it…”. My heart started to beat really fast and it feels like I’m running out of air that it’s so difficult to breathe. “Could this be it? Did HE finally listened and answered my prayers? Could he really be…Could it really be….Is it for real?”.
It was the longest night of my life with you. I never thought it will end that way. Then again, I just
accepted it…
I had tears in my eyes for few nights after we talked. But you’re insensitive enough of my pain. I said to myself over and over…”why not me?? Why can’t I be the biggest mistake of your life??”. It was the most dreaded part of my life and you’re not there to comfort me, simply because you never see me desperately weep and I didn’t allow you to see me that way, thinking you will feel my pain like I feel yours. I loved you but you never see that. Just so you know, you’re selfish as I am. You also took me for granted the way your wife treated you, because I also learned that you really never treat me as a real friend, not even as a confidante…I’m just someone you want to talk to simply because you know I will not criticize you the way other people will; I only realized that when you started calling someone “best” then later on called her “bebs”, and confessed to me that she’s the only one you have and trusted all these time. You made me feel like a doormat; the worst feeling someone will get from the person they value as much as their life.
“Hey!”
“Heey!”
I heard it again after few weeks. I looked at your direction and saw you heading my way. You smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked deep into your eyes, and simply said “Sorry…my name is not Hey”, then walked away with the sweetest smile on my face.
That’s one good thing I’ve done for myself and it may hurt that much to moving on without you in my life, but I know I deserve better than be called “Hey”.
***
Reposting from my personal blog; Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Posted by *talaat 5:34am

I thought, I thought of something…

After several weeks, i’m back. There are some things in my mind that just stagnate and i let it be that way…my bad.

What i feel right now is somehow annoying and it’s everything of anything!

I dont want my job but i have no choice but to keep it; even my reasons for staying aren’t enough to keep me still making me think of other more reasons to stay, funny is i never run out of it and even the most nonsense one mark a point for me…pathetic….

Pathetic and i know i am but i don’t mind at all at this time. Even the most luckiest person in world find his or herself pathetic at one point of his or her life. It makes me more human.

What makes me more of a human are the endless pain. and happiness from simple things in life. It’s where i get to learn more things; so who ever says after earning a degree, a masters or the highest recognition of learning, someone has to stop learning. Acceptance from lack of ignorance is the most rewarding thing in the world. If one does refused continuous learning, that’s the most nastiest thing ever!

It’s nasty when employees tend to kiss their employers’ ass thinking they will be promoted without doing less and more…well, ass kissing. Who ever thought of that, invented that or came up with that, definitely has nothing in his life right now but riches that can be taken away from him in a snap…hello!!! GOD DO EXIST!!

What made me say that God exist? If you believe that someone out there made that computer you’re using right now, then think who made you’re heart that’s beating right now…who made you’re parent’s heart and your parents’ parent’s heart? Someone out there is just an ultimate creator, and I believe in my creator, for He’s the one I know that dominates my heart.

Heart could be the most sensitive part of one’s body. I think that if all human will not use their heart, we’re all zombies by then! Do i really need to be scientific here?? i mean, even, “the rock” once had a broken heart and made him cry.

Cry…cry…that’s all left for me to do at the end of every day…hais.

**Reposting an entry from my blogspot, Wednesday, February 25, 2009.

Thank you Kristen Stewart

I heard that Twilight superstar, Kristen Stewart is again in the spotlight and this time not as Bella Swan who’s head over heels with Edward Cullen. It’s been weeks or probably longer than I think, when Hollywood paparazzi spotted Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders being affectionate with each other, also known as flirting, and for those who still didn’t know who Rupert is, he’s the director of Snow White and the Huntsman wherein Kristen is the lead star…played as the huntsman! Nah, just kidding, she’s actually Snow White.

I stand up with what I said that Kristen is a huntsman. Seriously? Have a “fling” with a married guy? Nice move. It’s like being out in the dark woods and since the love of her life is nowhere to be found, alas! hunted a monster hanging around a tree which turned to be a friend…with benefits. Classic; but I feel pretty bad for her because she and the guy is not really good in keeping their short term relationship. Did they forget in a minute, or like forever that they are public figures? Oh well, I don’t really know what they are thinking at that moment, so lesson number 1: if you will have an affair with someone, find a place where not even a single soul will catch you red handed.

When my officemate, who happened to be a guy, heard about Kristen cheating on Robert Pattinson, he said “see! girls also cheat! and I bet a lot more younger (girl) kids wouldn’t mind doing that since hey! Bella can do it, so can they!”. Another hit in Kristen and Rupert’s head. A lot of kiddos or teenagers admire her because on and off camera, she and Rob has been showing their love for each other. Rupert have kids and they are looking up to him because they are the only who witness his love to their mom. Then came this affair that’s as viral as Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. Thing is, when love or whatever it is that binded Kristen and Rupert together, it made them forget the people who look up to them. Forget about Robert and Liberty Ross, they swore them once that they will love them till death. But the people like Kristen fans and Rupert kids, those were the one they should worry the most. It was not even surprising when a lot of video or tweets are out there showing their emotions on what happened…let me remind you guys, most of the reactions came from the young ones. I wonder how they can make the understand what they have done? How long will the pain be cured? How big is the damage their short affair cost them? Lesson number 2: Before getting to an affair, think of the people involved! Try searching for a well-preparedness program where both or one of the party involved will be mature enough to stand up for what they have done, and make them understand that what they have done is wrong.

They said, that if a guy or a girl is flirting or liking a single person, the single person should “auto-delete” the married person in his or her life and find another fish in the sea. What if they can’t help it? like what happened in the most talk about affair the past few days. Who among the two should really take the blame? Rupert? Kristen? Someone doesn’t need a diploma to understand that cheating is as worst as stealing; cheating is as grave as lying; cheating is just bad. Yet everyone will agree with me that it’s also the most adventurous thing anyone can do. Can we also blame them if they only want to spice up their lives? What if they only found what’s lacking in their relationships in each other? Will Kristen “auto-delete” Rupert in her life? Even if everything they have done is wrong, what they have done probably their favorite mistake and the most beautiful one. When the young ones are being emotional, the mature ones should just act, well, mature enough! Their story is not an ordinary one and she is not the first Hollywood female star who cheated in their partner. Okay, so we get it. It’s wrong, it shouldn’t be done, it’s their mistake and only the mature one gets to understand what should and shouldn’t be done. Last and final lesson that everyone should be reminded of: Cheating is an adventurous game to play, but it has a price to pay.

Fact is, it really doesn’t matter who among the two of them started it. It’s sad to say that it’s a common issue at this time, and their only and biggest mistake in this affair is both of them are popular. Let me quote in Maroon 5’s song “All those fairytales are full of shit” and their story is not an exemption and probably a good example of what a real love story is. Finally, Rupert showed how good he is as a director and Kristen as an actress. They were able to come up with a story that is a sure hit. Because of them, the kids (should know by know) that Kristen is not Bella in real life. Parents should thank her and Rupert because they have something to talk about with their teeners, other than how great Twilight is (grab this opportunity for them to know what’s right and wrong!lol). Lesson learned by every one and even those who are not involved have lessons to learn as well. If one is willing to risk another “adventurous” game, then they should be reminded of lesson number 1 and 2.

To Kristen, I would like to end this with a simple Thank You, for reminding everyone the possibilities of one should face if they are not careful enough in playing the game. For Robert, I have this song dedicated for you and I wish you all the best in your relationship right now. Cheers!

.