There are posts out there providing ways on “how to keep the relationship stronger”, “how to stay on a relationship” and other “how to’s” on keeping the spark with the one we have chosen to be with. Nevertheless, all those advice seems too easy to follow, yet in reality, it’s really hard to keep up a relationship whether it’s week old one or five and more years.
For someone who’s been single for quite sometimes, I told myself that once I found the one who I want to be my “other half”, I will do my best to keep what we have last almost forever. Every relationship have its boo-boos and unfortunate turn of unexpected events. No matter what Dalai Lama or a shrink says, there are things that only a couple can work with and fix.
For one, we have our differences. No matter how much we love watching the same television show, eating the same food or exploring different places, I still find differences that might make or break our relationship. There will be small or petty arguments that can bore us out and tell each other “we keep on having the same kind of shizzle every single time!” Surprisingly, these kind of things can really make a couple cut the strings. From what I believe in, these differences can only be fixed by what I call “acceptance”. There will be no medical definition for that or anything deep scientific meaning attached to that word, because I have learned that I need to accept the fact, that there are little things that might break us, and that there are some things we cannot agreed upon. Acceptance is ALWAYS the key.
Then after acceptance, I learned that I should not try to fix our differences! Seriously, I cannot ALWAYS tell my partner to do this or not to do that. Say it once, then he should understand and accept wholeheartedly what are the things that pisses me off, and that goes the same towards me. We change on their own pace and capabilities. This don’t happen overnight, but I trust my partner enough that he will change and it manifests in some matters, like by simply helping me washing the dishes without telling him to do it. I learned that I should never get tired of telling them what hurts me because at times, they might become forgetful and needs to be reminded of. Our differences at times keeps us together because it gives us each other a different perspective on each other’s beliefs and idea. However for some relationship, this could be really tricky. Emotional and physical abuse is a different story. One who is used in hurting someone can make it a habit and this is a habit that is hard to get rid off. Remember: Bruise rhymes with Abuse.
Respect is the result of acceptance and not trying to fix it asap. Respect the fact that people will not always lead my way, so does my guy. There are wonders in what respect can do in a relationship. Respect that to the point that I know I should never hit his ego in public. Respect that I know his weakness and help him through it, and respect that he knows how show patience during my red days. With respect, we learned how to say “sorry”. Since we respect each other, we can say in each other’s face “it’s my fault” and give each other time to breathe to forgive. Respect is my teacher in saying what I want to say, how I say it and when I should say it.
Lastly, trust. If you respect your master, you’ll trust them. If you respect your friend, you trust them. I think that goes the same in our relationship. We have enough trust with each other that we even know how to give space and not invade their “private” life. I may “own” him, but I trust him enough to have him keep his own email and other social media accounts passwords and not ask for it. He trusts me enough that even if I work with guys at the office, at the end of the day, I am still eager to be at his arms. There will always be girls prettier than me and guys more hunk than him, but we always go back to the reason why we chose to be with each other the first time we met.
We’ve only been together for 2 years and there are bumps and tears along the way. There are more of it to expect but still hoping for the best. There are no special recipe for successful relationships. Yet the simple things we have makes us value each other every single day, even if we fight like cats and dogs. I know love will always spark if we never get tired of trusting, respecting and accepting each other as who we are.